For the majority of people, the family is the most important and valuable gift that God has given to them. Here, everyone learns their first lesson in relationships with others. Family means to feel secure, to have someone whom you can share your problems with, who you can count on. Additionally, it means to have respect for each other and responsibility for everything done.
However, sometimes it’s the place where some people find the deepest heartache. The reason for that is a bad experience with so-called toxic family members. In such a case the people are confused what the real way of solving this problem is. Some will just walk away, without willing to do it, but is that a right way? What should be done when facing this uncomfortable situation?
The people must accept the fact that not everyone’s family is healthy or available for them to lean on or to call on. There are families with the ties that are not built on the premise of mutual respect, love, and support. In many cases “family” simply can be just sharing a bloodline. Some family members are able to build the family up and some break it down.
It is, also, crucial to understanding that toxic family members may be going through a difficult stage in their lives. They can be ill, psychically disrupted, chronically worried, or lacking what they need in terms of an emotional support or love.
When that happens, they expect to be listened to, to be supported, but you still need to protect yourself from their toxic behavior at times.
Dealing with a toxic family member is a different in many cases, but in many of them are some universal principles you need to know. We will present you the top 5, which can be of great help if you become a part in such situation:
Those individuals may not be an inherently bad person
Not all cases are agonizing and uncaring on purpose. Some of them are the people who care about you, without any bad intentions, but they are still toxic as they force you to compromise yourself and your happiness. This can be a hard situation for somebody who needs to decide to distance himself enough to give space to live. It is really difficult to ruin yourself on a daily basis for the principles or wishes of someone else. However, the attitude should be to make your well-being a priority, whether that means spending less time with someone, loving him/her from a distance, removing yourself from a situation (entirely, or temporarily) that feels painful.
But, remember you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself.
Toxic people often hide cleverly behind passive aggression
Those people takes many forms, but they can be generally described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior. They don’t express how they feel. They will find trivial ways to take jabs at you until you pay attention and get upset, instead of telling you what’s actually upsetting them. This can be described as an obviously toxic relationship situation.
You should keep in mind that most well-balanced human beings will feel no reason to be passive-aggressive toward you.
It is of great importance to make it clear to your family members that you accept them for who they are, and that they shouldn’t influence your ideas and opinions, but that you’d appreciate their support. It can result in giving up from that behavior, or at least compromise in some way. If they refuse to, and their passive aggression continues, you may have no choice but take the measures discussed in point #1.
They will try to bully you into submission if you let them
It is an interesting fact that the biggest bullies are often toxic family members. The bullying is never OK, and nobody can give the right to someone to assault who you are as a person. If that happens to you, what you have to do is to have the nerve to stand up for yourself. Don’t give those people flexibility, because nobody has the power to make you feel small. Sometimes bullying comes from the people closest to you. However, when necessary, you should confront them.
Pretending their toxic behavior is OK
You should be careful, because the toxic family members can use their moody behavior to get privileged treatment, as, sometimes it is easier to quiet them down than to listen to their irritable rhetoric. That will be a short-term quieting but it can be equal to long-term pain for you in a situation like this. The result of this situation will not be a change of toxic people if they are being rewarded for not changing. Your decision should be strong enough to not allow them to influence you by their behavior. Stop making special pardons for their continued belligerence, because constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with.
If you have a member of your family over the age 21 who is not reasonable, respectful, reliable adult on a regular basis, it’s time to speak up and stand firm.
Do not have to neglect yourself just because they do
You can practice self-care every day if you’re forced to live or work with a toxic person. Make sure you get enough alone time to rest and recover. Because the facing of toxic moodiness can be exhausting, if you’re not careful, the toxicity can infect you. Sometimes toxic family members can keep you up at night as you constantly think about your behavior with them. Those constant thoughts can keep you agonizing longer time. You will find out that a toxic family member has a goal to drive you mad and make you out to be the crazy one. They are even not aware why they feel the way they do, and they can’t see beyond their own emotional needs.
Since you can’t control what they do, the only what you can do is to take care of yourself. You should remain centered, feeling healthy and ready to live positively in the face of negativity.
We recommend you to stay mindful, practice meditation, pray and exercise regularly.