Psychologists Warn: Never Use 5 Phrases When Talking to Your Child

The childhood is a period of the life when the children spend their time trying to figure out how everything around them works. Every day they meet new and exciting things, and they take signs about how they should react to the environment from adults. The first and at the same time the biggest teachers for the children are their parents.

The children’s state or quality of having a brain that adapts to experience (neuroplasticity) is flexible. Their brain can learn and adapt very quickly, and for that reason, kids seem to pick up on languages quicker than adults do. Getting older the neuroplasticity of the mind in people and their thought patterns, become more nailed down. Because of that, the lessons that a child learned in the childhood are very important in shaping their future.

The parents’ behavior and their words addressed to the children have a great impact how they feel about the world, and themselves.

Even there are many things on which parents should be focused while growing their children, we would like to emphasize a couple of words that parents should avoid or rephrase because they could negatively impact their child.

  1. “Stop Crying”

There are many reasons why the children are crying when they are mad, afraid, sad, and even they are crying when they are happy. Sometimes a child is crying for no reason at all, which really frustrates parents, which urges them to react and tell the child to stop crying. These words can really interrupt the child’s emotion and they can be fear of retribution.

Some of the children, for example, toddlers, because of lack of vocabulary, will even cry because they simply can’t find the words to express their feelings. In such a case if you tell your child not to cry you’re terminating his emotions as wrong.

It will make a child feel worse, and it sends the invalid message.

Instead of stopping your children, you should guide them through the situation.

  1. “Good Job!”

It is a little bit strange how the words “good job” can negatively affect your child, as that phrase itself is actually very positive. This, actually is positive, while you will not overuse it, as many parents do. By doing that as a general encouragement will teach your child to value the praise rather than the satisfaction of an accomplishment.

According to the social psychologist Dr. Susan Newman, this kind of parental reactions get a child thinking about the process and working toward a goal. By using the words Great job, you are wonderful, what a smart boy and some similar words can become white noise if parents repeat it frequently.

  1. Leave Me Alone” or “I’m Busy”

Many times kids are confused for many reasons, and every parent needs their time alone to recharge. But, if that happens very often and you as a parent routinely tell your children to leave you alone, or that you’re busy this reaction will affect their future relations in order to attract your attention. Having a much-needed break from your children for a certain period of time can be a risk that they will likely carry on throughout their life, and in some cases, they may not come to you as they grow up.

Instead of this kind of reactions and telling them to go away, you can kindly prolong the time when you are really busy, and then come back to their request latter.

  1. “You’re so…”

Labeling children have been known to shortchange and pigeonhole them into certain personality traits. Usually used negative labels, are

–           “You’re so mean to Katie”,

–           “You’re so lazy”

–           “You are such a klutz”

–           “You’re shy”

They will leave children believing that they actually are those things, and start acting as such without knowing it.

Instead of putting a label on the children and negatively influencing them, you can address the issue specifically.

  1. “Wait Until Mommy/Daddy Gets Home!”

Sometimes, when you are experiencing lack of the patience you are probably using resort of big guns to get a child to do what they want. You usually use one of the most common responses telling the child to wait until mommy/daddy gets home!

If you are saying this you’re making two big mistakes:

–           Showing lack of power and giving it to another person who isn’t present and does have power over both of you.

–           You’re putting that parent in the “bad cop” position, which isn’t really fair because it is not your partner’s job to deal with that issue because you couldn’t.

How you talk to your children greatly affects how they view the world. For that reason try your best to make the proper word choices when speaking to your child.

Sources: www.parenting.comwww.goodtherapy.orgwww.empoweringparents.comwww.care.com

 

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